"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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