Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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