yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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