i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i would one night stand the shit outta him
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
