i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
