im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
operation have a gay friend backfired
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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