Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
