The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
