I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
