Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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