reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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