Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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