If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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