I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
