tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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