So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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