Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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