do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
