why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
