I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
