I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
smell my finger.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
