He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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