Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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