So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
