I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she smelled like a LAN party
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
