You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
