I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
