I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
