be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
