Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
