I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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