I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
false alarm, still single
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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