New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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