She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
