Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
