you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
