I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
