So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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