nut hugger
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
