he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
