Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
