Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
