you mean i was at the winter classic?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
