I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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