I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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