I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
