Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
