I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
