it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
