If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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